What is Ego - Understanding one of the fundamentals of your mind

You've most probably heard of the word ego. Here I'm going to talk about what exactly it is and its role in your life in a way that's uncommon to hear from normal talk with people. A lot of psychology revolves around this concept which is why I'm writing this first. Later if I continue with this blog talking more about psychology, I'll be referencing this a lot.

Here is how I define ego - its your self identity. Your ego is who you think you are. It’s the "I" which you think you are. If someone asks you who are you, what do you answer ? That's most probably a part of your ego. A part because you don't give the same answer all the time.

If you observe and think about it, the ego is a totally made up shit. If you say I'm a painter, then what's that but a made up story? You were not born a painter, you most probably were not a painter when you were 5 years old, you are just playing the role of a painter. See where I'm getting here….

You can think of the ego as a role you play. The problem is most people forget that they are playing a role in the play called life (Including me of course). Freedom is in realizing that you are not the role that you play.

Another example is if you are good at sports then gradually you'll start identifying yourself as a sportsman. That's again ego. What if you are the good boy/girl in your home, again now you identify yourself as a good boy/girl at home.

You are not consciously aware of all the identities that you have, most are subconscious. Why is it subconscious? Because your mind doesn't want you to know that you are playing a role. Why? Because if you became conscious that you are just playing a role, you might just drop it one day. What's the problem with that, you might ask. But see, what is the ego? Its who you are. What would happen if you just dropped who you are? Who you are will stop existing, in other words, you'll die! Well, you won't die physically. But as far as your mind is concerned, you exist because of your self-identity. If you drop who you are mentally, then that means you don't exist.

Let's say you are really good at playing chess. Chances are if you are really good than your peers, you'll develop an identity around it. Lets say that one fine day, you go to a competition and you play really well but in the end you lose; you can't believe that you lost. Has this or something similar happened to you? Why do you refuse to accept the defeat? Why are negative emotions raging inside you? Its because it’s a threat to your identity. In your mind you are a really smart chess player. You really believe it. That's your identity Now you lose. What does that mean? You are not a smart chess player. That means you are not who you think you are. The idea of you being a smart chess player is dying right before your eyes. You don't want to die, that's why you refuse to believe that you lost fair and square. Its basic survival. You simply don't want to die. That's what your mind is programmed to do - to survive

Now self-identity is not simply these extreme things like being great at something or being worse at something. It is quite literally the "Me" you think. You might not have a conscious concept of who you are but your mind does. And you strongly believe in it otherwise you won't exist. So as far as your mind is concerned its duty is to keep you alive. It will go to any lengths to do it including deceiving you and that's exactly what your mind does. A magic trick works only when you don't know how the trick is done. Similarly for the mind to deceive you to think you are something, it should not let you know that you are actually thinking that you are that something. And that's why ladies and gentlemen, most of your ego is subconscious.

So what's the implication of the ego and it being subconscious? For one you deceive yourself till you physically die. You deceive yourself to be someone you are not. In the end, you die without knowing who you really are. That's a reference to the "Who Am I' question that's so popular in spirituality. That's a topic for another day.

The ego is not made for growth, its just a survival mechanism. Its an impediment to your growth. That's why growth and change is hard. You remain your greatest enemy till you get your ego out of the way. This concept is called homeostasis. I'll probably write a post on it later.

Most of your suffering if not all is because of the ego.

Now this ego being so tied to survival, is not a simple 1+2 = 3 stuff. Its complex. It’s a system; an intelligent system for survival. Its so intelligent that you don't even know how much it controls you. Even if I say to you that you are not what you think you are, you won't drop it because you want to cling to it. Its actually not you who wants, it’s the ego who wants. Most people realize that after they get hit by life a couple of times, when the ego becomes a burden, at that time they decide to drop it. That's how naturally the realization dawns on them but it might take a long time for that to happen.

Wrapping up:

That's it for this post. To understand more of what I'm talking here would require you to actually observe your own mind. You probably knew most of the things I was talking about in a vague and intuitive manner, but to actually be fully conscious of it, you need to be more mindful of your mind's way of working. Be mindful of how you deceive yourself. You all have heard "Honest is the best policy", this is not a moral of some silly story, its actually a very eye opening practice. These are all such deep topics that I'd love to write about, but for now this is the fundamentals. If you wish to know more about this thing called self-identity I recommend you to read the book "Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz". To know about homeostasis look into "George Leonard's Mastery". That's it for now, hope you found it eye-opening.